The Truth

We're surrounded by misconceptions about violence against women, and unfortunately, false information seems to spread like wildfire. You can slow it down by uncovering the truth and spreading that around.  

Here's the real deal ...

Alcohol and drug abuse is the real reason for woman abuse, isn't it?

Not a chance. Abuse is all about power and control. Abusers may use drugs or alcohol as an excuse for their behaviour, but frankly, there are no excuses. 

It's terrible that so many children witness abuse. But at least it doesn't affect my child.

Actually, it does. Children who witness violence suffer many ill effects, including behavioural and learning issues, and they take those issues to school. Witnessing abuse can have adverse affects on a child's relationships and interactions with other children. Educational resources are stretched thin, and there's only so much time and attention to go around. So when one child suffers, so do the rest.

Women could be safe from sexual assaults if they didn't walk the streets alone at night.

A common misconception, but truthfully, the issue isn't usually the stranger on the street. In reality, 85-90% of survivors are assaulted by someone they know.¹

Women are safe at work though, right?

Wrong. Violence against women happens in the workplace, too. In fact, in the last 10 years, violence in the workplace has increased by 40%.²

Family violence has always been a huge issue in the Aboriginal community.

Actually, in the past, family violence was nearly unheard of in the Aboriginal community. Women were highly honoured and respected. But the trauma of physical or sexual abuse experienced by many in the residential school system, and the subsequent oppression of traditional Aboriginal ways resulted in the adoption of non-Aboriginal values and beliefs. Born from this oppression, violence is all the more damaging to oppressed women because it heightens the issues of self-esteem, shame, isolation and despair.

Violence against women is a women's issue.

As a matter of fact, it's a men's issue, too. We can educate our daughters to spot the warning signs, but our sons need to be educated as well. They need to learn early on about gender equality, healthy relationships, and respect for women, and all members of our society. Raised with these values, our young boys are given the best opportunity to mature into loving, supportive, responsible young men.

Give me a break. Women are just as violent as men.

Frightening ... that some people think this way. So let's get real. It's a fact that 83% of police- reported spousal violence victims are female.³ But you don't need statistics to know that she is the one most often living in fear, and that her violence is almost always in self-defence.

It's between them. It's none of our business and we shouldn't get involved.

Get involved. Violence against women is everybody's business. We all need to take responsibility and voice our belief that it isn't right. You can get involved and you should. Start with simply understanding. Follow up with action. Read our "What Can I Do" page. Make violence against women your business, too.

Why doesn't she just leave?

If only it were that simple. Leaving is very difficult, and dangerous, too. In fact, research has shown that the most dangerous time for a woman in an abusive relationship is the first three to four months after separation. ⁴ Fear for her life, fear for her children's lives, isolation, shame, fear of judgement, wanting to keep the family together, financial dependence, language issues, racism, emotional exhaustion, and shattered self-esteem are only some of the reasons women stay. Don't think for one second that leaving is easy in any way. Let's get real. No one wants to be abused.

Okay, so now I get it. Abused women stay because they feel trapped and think there's nowhere to go.

Until we've walked a mile in her shoes, none of us truly "get it". There are many reasons women stay in a violent home. In addition to the reasons listed above, it's next to impossible to appreciate the depth of the emotional scars left by woman abuse unless you're a survivor, too. But understanding the complexities of violent relationships can help you begin to "get it". 

So, we have all these studies and we know the statistics. What more is there to know?

A lot.  Although studies and statistics tell us a great deal, they certainly don't tell the whole story. Isolated from family and friends, and humiliated by their abuser, many women stay silent and most cases of domestic abuse go unreported.⁵ When we eradicate the negative stigma surrounding abused women, and when we ensure that those who speak up are safe, then we'll know all there is to know.

Once a victim, always a victim.

No way. Rebuilding your life after violence takes time, and it's a difficult emotional process. There are ups and downs, good days and bad days. But you are not damaged goods. In fact, times of grief bring great strength. Long-term crisis reactions and difficult memories will subside over time. Believe there is help out there for you. Counselling and domestic violence services can help you move on, rebuild, avoid another abusive relationship, and discover the happiness and security of healthy ones.  

¹www.savisofhalton.org

²Violence against women - it's a workplace hazard. Canadian Labour Congress.

³Family Violence in Canada: A Statistical Profile 2008. Statistics Canada.

⁴Peel Committee Against Woman Abuse, 2005. www.pcawa.org/index.htm

⁵ The 2004 General Social Survey on victimization found that only 28% of spousal violence victims reported the incident to police. Family Violence in Canada: A Statistical Profile 2008. Statistics Canada.