Signs of Abuse

 What is abuse?

Woman abuse is any threat, act or physical force that is used to create fear, control or intimidate you.

Physical Abuse

 

Any unnecessary/unwanted physical contact caused by another person resulting in bodily harm, discomfort and/or injury. e.g., slapping, kicking, restraining, choking, and restricting food.

Emotional Abuse

Any act that provokes fear, diminishes the individual's dignity or self-worth, and/or intentionally inflects psychological trauma on another person. (e.g., yelling, intimidating, silence, playing on emotions, degradation, treating her as though she was a child, coming home drunk or stoned, refusing to provide support or help out with the baby/children.)

Sexual Abuse

 

Any unwelcome or forced sexual activities. (e.g., unwanted sexual contact, forces her to have sex, forcing her to have sex with others, uttering threats to obtain sex, forcing sex when she is sick, after childbirth or surgery, treating her as a sex object, refusing to allow or forcing her to use contraception.)

Verbal Abuse

The use of negative comments that are unwelcome, embarrassing, offensive, threatening
and/or degrading to a woman. (e.g. name calling, false accusations, lying, saying one thing and meaning another.)

Financial Abuse

Any behaviour that reduces/eliminates a woman's financial independence and/or financial decision-making. (e.g. taking her money, forging her name, withholding money, spending money on addiction, gambling, sexual services, keeping family finances a secret.)

Social Abuse

Any behaviour resulting in the isolation and alienation of a woman from friends or family. (e.g. controlling what she does, whom she sees and talks to, failing to pass on messages, treating her like a servant, and making a "scene" in public.)

Religious Abuse

Any tactics that exert power and control over a woman's spirituality and religious orientation. (e.g. using religion to justify abuse or dominance, using church position to pressure for sex or favours.)

Environmental Abuse

Any tactics used that result in a woman being fearful of her surroundings. (e.g., slamming doors, punching walls, harming pets, driving too fast.)

Privilege/Social Statu

Any comments or actions that suggest she is inferior because she comes from a different socio-economic background, the use of social status or wealth to hide or deny abusive behaviour, the use of wealth to involve her in expensive legal proceedings or to manipulate or prolong legal proceedings.

*adapted from Neighbours Friends and Family

There are many signs you or a loved one may be in an abusive relationship. Some may be easy to identify, others may be more subtle.  We encourage you to read the list below, visit the other websites and/or contact a local shelter or second stage, and counselling services listed in this website to speak with a worker.  There is no cost and you don't have to come in to get support!!!

 Some signs to watch out for:

You may feel:

  • like you have to "walk on eggshells" to keep him from getting angry and are frightened by his temper.
  • you can't live without him or that he can't live without you.
  • less connected or stop seeing friends or family, or give up activities you enjoy because he doesn't like them.
  • you are afraid to tell him your worries and feelings about the relationship because he may threaten you or himself.
  • that you are the only one who can help him and that you should try to "reform" him.
  • yourself apologizing to yourself or others for your partner's behaviour when you are treated badly.
  • you stop expressing opinions if he doesn't agree with them.
  • you stay because you feel he will hurt or kill himself if you leave.
  • you find that he is jealous if you talk to someone or if someone compliments you and then accuses you of cheating or betraying him
  • he has used physical means when he is angry or wants to control your actions: such as, he has kicked, hit, shoved, punched or thrown things at you
  • he is very critical of things you do and puts you down
  • he ask you to agree to do sexual things you are uncomfortable with or do not wish to do. He does this by using tactics such as; constantly nagging and saying you are not normal, withholding affection and/or stops communicating or helping with tasks(driving children to school etc..), or using physical force
  • he promotes very strict gender roles and expectation of what a good partner or wife is to do; such as, women do all the cooking, are fully responsible for all the child care, women are not entitled to their own sexual needs, etc..
  • he uses your childhood experiences of abuse against you by saying you are not normal, you are damage goods etc....

 If you are in an abusive relationship know that:

YOU can get help (see our section under getting help to find the service

best for you):

 IF you are planning on leaving or feel that the violence is escalating

Please visit our web page on safety planning or visit our web links on how to create a safety plan.   You can also get a personalized safety plan completed by a local shelter or second stage outreach worker or through counselling services.

 

Note is change is possible, but change is not possible without intervention.

 Please refer to:

Neighbours Friends and Families - English

Neighbour Friends and Families - Aborginal

Neighbour Friends and Families - Francias

Shelternet

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